Of Speedos and Cleaning Products
by thewibblywobblywolf
Summary: In which Ace and Sabo are out of cleaning products, torching things is in no way an appropriate cleaning technique, and Roger and Rouge come to visit. Modern!AU (Where everyone is happy and nothing hurts) SaboAce


**AN: Here's a little birthday fic for everyone's favourite pyromaniac Ace~ Also, happy new year everyone!**

"Ace, wake up," Sabo murmured, shaking the other's shoulder lightly. Ace grumbled something unintelligible and threw an arm around Sabo's waist in response.

"Really, you need to get up," he insisted.

"But the bed is so nice," Ace said, pushing himself up on an elbow to press kisses against Sabo's bare chest, moving upwards.

"I hope you remember that-" he sucked in a breath when Ace reached _that spot_ on his neck, letting out a soft sigh when his lover grazed his teeth over his earlobe.

"What was that?" Ace breathed into his ear, shuffling to lean over Sabo, proving that part of him was _very_ awake.

He hummed, tangling a hand in Ace's dark hair to bring their lips together. He drew his foot higher up for purchase, and then he flipped them over, straddling the other. He pulled back, meeting Ace's dark eyes.

"You parents are going to be here in an hour," he whispered.

"Let them come," Ace growled, pulling him in for another kiss. Sabo happily complied, but soon drew back again.

"You do realise that that means both of your parents, and not just Roger?" he asked amusedly.

Ace stopped for a moment, "Shit. Can't we just pretend not to be home?"

"No we can't, we've explicitly planned this out, remember?" Sabo said amusedly, "It doesn't matter how much Rouge loves you, I don't think she'll appreciate it if you're still walking around naked picking up pizza cartons by the time she and Roger gets here. Besides, they know where we keep the spare key, they'll come barging in whether we like it or not."

Ace groaned, but this time it wasn't out of pleasure. Sabo chuckled and got off him, rolling back onto his own side of the bed and setting his feet down on the cold floor. A shiver ran down his spine. The bed creaked as Ace did the same on the other side.

"An hour, you say?" Sabo glanced over his shoulder at Ace's words, "Just an hour?"

"Yes, and I know for a fact that the living room wasn't cleaned up last night when Luffy and the others left." He knew exactly what Ace was getting at, but it wasn't like he didn't have the same problem. They'd just have to deal.

"Damn it," Ace muttered while Sabo snorted at him. He got up and went to fetch a fresh pair of underwear and shorts.

"Catch," Ace said, and Sabo did just that, catching the t-shirt that was thrown at his head and throwing a pair of shorts back in return. Sabo pulled the shirt over his head and pulled a hand through his hair before he nudged the bedroom door open. He winced at the sight that greeted him. He'd completely forgotten quite how messy Luffy's friends could be when they let loose.

Why on earth was there a speedo hanging from the kitchen fan?

Ace's steps were as quiet and sneaky as the best of spies, but the warmth his body emitted revealed his presence even before he rested a hand on Sabo's waist as he peeked over his shoulder at the apparent warzone before them.

"Who put a speedo on the kitchen fan?" he asked.

"My sentiment exactly," Sabo said, rubbing a hand over his face.

"We should probably get started," Ace said, remaining unmoving.

"Yeah, probably."

"I'll take the sitting area?"

"Are you telling me to get the kitchen?"

" _Luffy's_ been in there! And his friends!"

"Which is why it's a job for two!" Sabo spread his arms in exasperation.

"But we're in a hurry."

Sabo hated when Ace was reasonable. It rarely happened, but when it did it was rarely in Sabo's favour.

"And we're wasting time," he finished for the raven.

"Exactly," Ace said, sounding annoyingly smug.

"Fine, but if someone threw up in the bathroom you're doing that too," Sabo decided.

"Who would throw up? Everyone knows how to hold their drinks," Ace said, sounding adorably confused.

"Oh I don't know, who do we know who likes to play at being tougher than he really is?"

"Usopp," Ace groaned, his head falling to rest of Sabo's shoulder.

"Usopp," Sabo agreed. He turned, jostling Ace into standing once more, "Good luck." He gave his boyfriend a devilish grin as he groaned once more.

"Dammit, Sabo!" Ace called after him as Sabo headed to the kitchen.

"That's what you get for leaving me one of Luffy's messes!"

Ace's third groan seemed to echo through the small flat.

"Oi, 'Bo, we're out of cleaning products!"

"Try using cola, it's supposed to work just as well!"

"We never have cola, you refuse to drink it!"

"Because it doubles as a cleaning product! Is it that surprising that I don't want to drink it?"

"That doesn't solve my problem!"

"Franky left some in the fridge!"

"Great!"

"Hey, Ace? Do you have any ideas for getting tomato sauce off the ceiling?"

"Have you tried torching it?"

"Ace, why would I try torching it?"

"You'll be rid of the sauce!"

"Why is pyromania always your go-to?"

"Because it's super effective!"

He sounded way too cheerful saying that in Sabo's opinion.

"Ow! Shit, shit, shit on a brick!"

"What's happening?"

"My shirt caught on fire! Ow, fuck!"

Ace emerged into the kitchen, a shit-eating grin splitting his face. Sabo stood by the sink, topless, pouring water over his burnt shirt.

"How did you manage that?"

"I should've known better than to follow your advice," Sabo grumbled, pouting.

Ace was cackling all the way back to the bathroom.

"Ace?"

"Yeah?"

"We've got twenty minutes 'til they arrive."

"Fuck."

"My sentiment exactly."

"I haven't brushed my teeth yet."

"Neither have I."

"We're almost done?"

"Yeah! Yeah, mum won't notice a few spots of tomato sauce, right?"

"We could get them to stay in the living room?"

"Good idea."

Fifteen minutes and a quick snog later the two men stood once more in the living room, which now contained considerably less pizza cartons, only one ceiling stain that hadn't been there the morning before, and not a single shard from the flower pot someone had broken last night. In those fifteen minutes the two had managed to fit in a quick shower together, brushing their teeth, dressing, and putting a kettle of water on the boil.

A loud knock on the door rang through the room.

Ace and Sabo shared a satisfied smile before Ace went to open the door. They'd succeeded.

Their door didn't have an actual handle, it having fallen out and enver been replaced during a break-in before the two moved in, but when Ace unlocked it the door swung open. In the doorway stood Rouge with her strawberry blonde hair and kind eyes, and Roger, whose moustache was as impressive as always. They were both beaming at their son, and at Sabo, who leaned against the wall at the opening of the hallway.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart," Rouge said with a sweet smile, while Roger handed Ace a package.

"Thanks, mum," Ace said, accepting a kiss on the cheek from his mother and a proud slap on the back from his father as he let them in.

"Twenty-two years old, eh? You're growing up, son!" Roger said.

"No thanks to you," Ace responded, but his words weren't the harsh cutting ones they could've been. Instead they were said teasingly with a smile, and Roger laughed heartily.

"How have the two of you been?" Rouge asked as Sabo, too, received a kiss on the cheek while Ace put the package on the coffee table.

"We've been good," Ace responded jovially.

"We had Luffy and some friends over last night," Sabo added.

"Party hard?" Roger asked, his usual mischievous smile touching upon his face.

"Nope, we kept it very clean," Ace said, casting a glance at his mother. Said mother smiled but didn't say anything.

"Would you like a cuppa?" Sabo broke in, clapping his hands together.

"That'd be lovely, dear," Rouge said, directing twinkling eyes at Sabo.

"Don't suppose you have anything stronger, kid?" Roger asked.

"Roger," Rouge said admonishingly, slapping his arm lightly, "I'm sure the boys are fresh out after last night," she added, grinning. Roger laughed loudly while Sabo scratched the back of his head sheepishly and Ace tried very hard to avoid his parents' eyes.

The saving bell was the sound of the kettle whistling, signalling that the water was boiling.

"I'll get the tea," Sabo said, swiftly escaping into the kitchen. He almost stumbled into the countertop, and used it to stabilise himself in order not to fall over because of the giggles leaping from his throat. He'd known Ace for seventeen years and been his boyfriend for two, but sometimes he still managed to forget how happy and relaxed Rouge and Roger were.

"...biscuits!" Ace, too, came stumbling into the kitchen, almost falling over Sabo in the small space.

"Hello," he said, wrapping his arms around Sabo's waist.

Sabo turned in his arms, grinning down at him. "Happy birthday, Ace," he said, leaning down to kiss the older man. Ace happily reciprocated, pulling Sabo closer yet.

"Ace, sweetheart?" Rouge suddenly called from the other room, causing the two to break apart, "Why is there a speedo on the ceiling fan?"

Ace's eyes widened and Sabo had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing.

"I'm gonna fucking kill Franky the next time I see him," Ace muttered, untangling their limbs and running out to his parents, presumably in order to set fire to Franky's misplaced underwear.

Sabo finally laughed out loud, "It's probably a birthday gift!" he called into the living room.


End file.
